I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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