Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
