I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
