Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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