So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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