She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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