I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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