you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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