I hope mine doesn't look like that
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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