wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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