4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
