dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
