Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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