Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
