whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
