I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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