I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
