If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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