I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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