Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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