Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
