I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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