i love accidental penises.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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