Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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