I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
