He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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