I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
