apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
