Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you win again, gameday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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