There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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