You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
