when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
