Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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