Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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