hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
