it hurts more in the daytime
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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