so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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