Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
