no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
