i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
