you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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