this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
