she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
