I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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