Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
