I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
