she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize