Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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