do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This baby is an asshole
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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