"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
