if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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