I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
