you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
