not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Terrible idea I love it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
