WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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