Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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