am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
