peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
