Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
