I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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