Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
