saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
