I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
