i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
