everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
