I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
