I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
