We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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