Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
