all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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