that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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