I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
