Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Found your dick twin last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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