If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
