i jhust puked up my retainher.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
