i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i came on her dog
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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