yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
