using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
